Hayden Panettiere she looks back on her past with her ex-boyfriend Brian Hickerson.
“It’s a very embarrassing story. I’ve always seen myself as a strong and strong woman, so the idea that I could let something like this happen to me, blew my mind,” Panettiere, 36, shares exclusively the latest Us Weekly cover story before his release It’s Me: Counting a reminder. “It broke the minds of people who didn’t know me better, and they still don’t believe that I would ever allow that to happen to me.”
Panettiere was there the first romantic connection to Hickerson, 37, in 2018. He was arrested the following year following an incident of domestic violence and allegations of domestic violence against a former child star. Hickerson was then charged with domestic violence and ordered to stay away from Panettiere. The charges were dropped and Hickerson was arrested later in 2020 following another domestic violence dispute with Panettiere. He served 33 days in jail, was sentenced to four years and was ordered to pay a $500 fine.
“Everything that happened, I kept as much to myself as I could because I didn’t want to drag anyone I loved emotionally into such a painful situation,” Heroes alum tells Usreferring to his parents and brother Jansen earlier his death in 2023. “I knew they would want to protect me and would do anything to make sure I was safe, and I want to keep them safe, and … emotionally safe.”
He continued, “It was humiliating, it made me feel ashamed, so I didn’t want anyone to know, I wanted people to know as little as possible.”
For the actress, she felt that admitting the incident would be more embarrassing than being alone.
He says: “I’m a misbehaving animal, I have to be surrounded by people. “If I don’t have a good community around me, if I don’t have good people and friends to support me, I feel lost, I don’t feel I can be myself. [and] stress is very good for me.”
Panettiere and Hickerson parted ways after his second arrest.
“Getting someone who abuses you out of your life is like trying to uproot a weed that is heavily involved in your life,” he added separately. “Every time you pull it out, another weed comes up and you’re like, ‘I thought I killed this.’ They always manage to find a way back into your life, even if you are an incredibly creative person. “
Panettiere said she “struggled to fully put the kibosh” on the end of her relationship with Hickerson for “a long time.”
Panettiere also detailed her relationship with Hickerson in her upcoming book, It’s Me: Counting.
“It was brutal, frustrating, emotional,” he says when recounting his past abuse in the book. “It was very important for me to speak the right way.”
According to Panettiere, re-reading the journal entries from the time of the alleged incident was extremely painful.
“It was as if I had finally found the words to describe it properly,” he explains. “It was a powerful moment for me, to get that off my chest.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support.
It’s Me: Counting will be released on Tuesday, May 19.
To find out more from Panettierepick up a new issue of Us Weeklyon newsstands now.
