HOW TO DO IT: I went gray at a very young age – my mother noticed my first gray hair when I was in preschool. When I was in my early 20s, my hair was very gray.
I’ve embraced it and learned to love it, and I’m happy to answer questions I get – usually whether it’s natural, when I started going gray, and does anyone else in my family have premature gray hair.
But there are two questions that I’ve had a few times over the years that have bothered me and I’m not sure how to answer them. The first is, “Did you know you have gray hair?” and the second says, “Is there something wrong with you, like a disease or some disorder?”
I, as you can imagine, know my hair color very well. I don’t get sick either, which I don’t think is anyone’s business, as long as I don’t get infected (and I think I don’t, since no one around me “caught” my gray hair).
What is the best way to answer here?
GOOD STUDENT: “Yes” to the first question and “no” to the second.
When answering the second one, it can be hard to say, “Why? you?”
[That was a familiar question. Miss Manners was a little snarkier last time.]
Dear MISS WAY: We enjoy continuing friendships with couples we have known in various chapters of our lives. Some of these friends now live far away, and we are happy to visit them and stay with us.
When we have out-of-town friends visiting our home, I often have lasagna ready to slide in the oven or meatballs melting in the crockpot for dinner, or we can grill hamburgers on the deck. The next morning, we have a breakfast bowl that I’ve prepared and put in the fridge, ready to go in the oven.
A couple who lives a few hours away from us recently invited us to visit for the night. When we arrived in the afternoon, they suggested that we go to an expensive restaurant for dinner. There really wasn’t a graceful way to handle this, other than compromise. Each couple handled our separate checks.
Later in the evening, as we were getting ready to go to the guest room, they suggested that we go out for breakfast the next morning. Again, there was no good alternative but to compromise. After breakfast at the restaurant, we said our warm goodbyes and left, as previously planned.
We enjoy this couple and their friendship. But when we were planning the trip, we weren’t really planning for these expensive restaurant tabs. Moreover, we would enjoy the warmth and intimacy of sharing meals with them in their lovely home.
Am I correct in my assumption that, when we invite friends to visit us, it does not mean that we will give them food during their stay at home?
GOOD STUDENT: Usually. But not everyone has your talent for sliding things in and out of the oven.
Miss Manners admits, however, that if they don’t have that qualification, your hosts should at least warn you that you’ll be eating out.
Maybe in their minds, like in their minds, they thought it wouldn’t be too much of a financial burden. If you arrived on time for dinner and left the next day after breakfast, your only expense was fuel, right?
It still doesn’t make the transaction any kinder, even more so.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
