Dear Eric: I have been going to local band shows for over twenty years and have met a great group of people who go to these shows and developed many great friendships.
For health reasons, I usually sit in the back seats. I’ll walk around and socialize sometimes, and sometimes during the break I’ll go up to the front of the stage (stand-up, unregulated) and hang out and sit for a few songs.
I’m not a wild dancer. I need a stick to keep my balance, and I swing forward to the beat.
Recently, a few minutes into the second half, a woman came up to me and rudely told me to leave, and that I was in her place. I replied that we are both in front of the stage to enjoy the music.
A few minutes later her husband came to me and angrily got in my face, accused me of hitting his wife with my stick and threatened to beat me if I didn’t leave immediately.
I tried to explain that I didn’t hit him, but he didn’t listen and repeated his threat, so I left. There was no bouncer in the club to ask for help.
I managed to call my husband and left messages saying I wanted to talk. There is no answer.
I hesitate to go to another show; I don’t want to argue. I want to reach an understanding so that there is no threat of violence going forward.
Friends said they will accompany me and stand by me if anything happens. People who know him say stop calling him and “just stop.”
– Concertgoer
A lovely concert: Don’t let this man stop you from having fun. From what you said, the problem is not yours and you shouldn’t spend too much time trying to fix it. So give it up, and keep going to the shows.
Take your friends to the stand with you for security and peace of mind. I hope this conflict was a one-off, possibly fueled by alcohol or something else going on in the couple’s life.
You’ve been going to these shows for 20 years and improving the community. One of the main functions of society is to show yourself and have your back.
Hi Eric: I have been friends with Teri for over 25 years. We have gone through marriages, divorces, celebrations and comfort when loved ones pass away. Even though we no longer live in the same city, we are still close by e-mails, texts and phone calls.
Her husband, Bill, is short-tempered and no one likes to be around him. My husband doesn’t really like her. Since we no longer live in the same city it is usually not a problem.
We will go sailing and invite my sister to join us. She forwarded the invitation to another friend who is also a friend of Teri and Bill. My sister asked her friend not to take us to Teri and Bill’s because she knows that my husband would refuse to go if Bill went.
What if they find out and decide to join us? I don’t want to go with them because I know my husband won’t enjoy them and obviously neither will I! Should I be honest with Teri and tell Bill, so both of them are ruining our team?
– The Sinking Ship
Lovely ship: There is a full skiff if it should happen before Teri and Bill get in your boat. But, if they find out, even though your sister asked her friend not to say anything, and if she decides to come on the trip, and if she asks you to make room on your trip, then you should understand but not be kind and tell Teri that you value her friendship, but you are not vacation friends because of the way you feel about Bill.
I’m not saying this is easy and I’m not saying it’s going to go well. Probably not.
But if you don’t want to go on vacation with Bill and don’t want to cancel your ticket, you have to be straight.
However, don’t let your outspokenness become a hard no. Make it a “no, but.” You can’t deny them a cruise, and you shouldn’t try. But you can ask Teri if there are other ways you can be together, whether it’s just the two of you visiting or something else.
Here’s hoping it doesn’t come to that at all and you can enjoy the cruise without a difficult conversation.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
