If you’ve spent more than a day on LinkedIn in your life, you’ve probably noticed that the networking service has improved its overall language. If you were an unkind person, you’d say that LinkedIn users are marketing themselves every minute of small jobs in such a cheap way, it’s a wonder their names weren’t written by AI.
Or, if you wanted to turn that last sentence into something more, uh, sure LinkedIn speak: “We’re seeing too many thought leaders leaning into the chaos, celebrating every little win with a growth-focused story you’d swear happened. It’s all about that personal branding and staying humble while maximizing your impact! #GrowthersonMindset
Even your side hustle isn’t safe from the AI
The English-to-LinkedIn translation service, in this case, it was automatic. Kagi, a premium search service where you pay for what’s essentially no advertising, with real Google privacy (our sister website Lifehacker swears by it), and offers free AI-based language translation.
And in a smart marketing move worthy of a LinkedIn update, Kagi has introduced humorous Internet “languages” among its translation options. LinkedIn, which launched Wednesday, is only the latest: there’s Reddit talking (lots of “weird ass,” “cringe” and “average banana”), Pirate Speak (“it’s a wonder their names aren’t written by some ghost”), and entirely fictional languages like Klingon (you’ll be happy to know that Klingons are job hunting on “LinkedIn.”)
But it’s LinkedIn talking that’s making waves on social media this week. I can see why, because this is more than a novelty — it’s a really fun and useful translation service. When it comes to the human style of AI taking over our digital lives, LinkedIn Translator hits the same muscle as Your AI Slop Bores Me — not to mention George Orwell’s Newspeak.
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There is a game-like aspect to translation, and the game says: it exists anywhere human activities that can be made to sound doubleplusgood in a LinkedIn post? If there is, I haven’t found it yet.
Wasting an afternoon in bed? No, he “decided to prioritize strategic recharging to improve mental performance and long-term productivity.” Started injecting heroin? It called it a “high-intensity, daily commitment to a specialty chemical practice” that taught about “supply chain consistency” and “relentless focus on personal goals, no matter the cost.” Did you kill a co-worker? Nonsense, my friend, “successfully removed a team member … to improve long-term value.”
Translation works the other way, too: LinkedIn speaks in plain English. That’s right – the next time your boss writes a 10,000-word LinkedIn epic that could be a three-line email, there’s no need to Google every obscure sales or management pitch. It’s just everything.
And if you need to write a comment and reply, know that “I hated this and I’m dumb for reading it” can also be interpreted as “‘While I’m always looking for ways to challenge my current opinion, this content reminded me of the importance of being intentional about the information we consume. Thanks for the opportunity to read!”
Well, maybe AI will save the jobs of white collar workers after all.
