Saturday Night Live bring Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost) and Kash Patel (Aziz Ansari) back to the cold open, this time as they drink on a boozy night with Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh (Matt Damon).
Following last week’s casting of Ansari as Patel, the fact that SNL returned to the same theme this week isn’t much of a surprise.
The opener has Hegseth arriving at Martin’s Tavern, a Georgetown watering hole, where he meets Kavanaugh, still wearing his robe and holding a gavel. In fact, both Hegseth and Kavanaugh faced questions at their confirmation hearings about drinking heavily.
“Hey, I can only say that we are both to kick ass right now,” said Damon’s Kavanaugh.
“My child, can you believe that I just started a war?” Jost’s Hegseth said.
Kavanaugh responded, “Can you believe I’m done with abortion? Your body, my choice.”
The judge asked Hegseth, “How is the battle going, on the way?”
He replied, “Oh, it’s really cold. It’s like me at the DWI checkpoint. It’s completely windy.”
The decision continued to contradict the Supreme Court’s recent decision to repeal the Voting Rights Act, which set off a wave of redistricting in southern red states to oust Democrats. In Tennessee, a black district that includes Memphis was recorded, suggesting it may be represented by a Republican from elsewhere in the state.
At one point, Kavanaugh held up a painting of an unusual, horizontal shape. “It’s a new voting district that I approved in Tennessee,” he said.
Then he prepared himself. “Actually, no, that’s a sanity check. They told me to make a circle.”
The two were joined by Patel, who proudly displayed his “FBI bourbon with my name on it. Yes, in a way this is a real thing that I, the director of the FBI, did.” The Atlantic reported this week that Patel left with a gift of his personal bourbon, including a picture of an FBI shield.
Ansari’s Patel said, “I bring my alcohol to bars because sometimes they think I’m a kid with a fake ID. They say no adult can make this face in official photos.” Ansari then rolled his eyes.
“We’re all living the American dream. I’m the first person in my family to go to college … parties, many years after I graduated.”
Kavanaugh then asked him, “Is that rumor true that he’s making everyone in the FBI take a polygraph?”
Patel replied, “No, I told them to make a graph of everyone at the FBI who is Polly. My girlfriend wants to open up our relationship. Yes. She says she wants to bring other guys into the bedroom and I stay in the living room.”
Kavanaugh then told Hegseth and Patel a secret.
“We’re going to let Trump do a third term,” as both cried loudly.
“I thought that was unconstitutional,” Hegseth said.
“Yes, it was, but Trump got the first one and at the end, he wrote, ‘Psych! We will live forever.’
