Dear ABBY: I have been married to my wife for two years. We met online and knew each other for about five years. At first we lived an hour apart, and after some persuasion, we bought a condo together.
Everything was going well until I started noticing my wife’s attraction to other women. I saw homosexuals “following” my wife wherever we went, whether we were on vacation or just at the store. I also believe he finds women online and sleeps with them. I don’t think he’s gay – but he just enjoys the sex part. And, you still sleep with me.
I hate that this is all done in secret. He denies that anything is happening, but I caught him in many lies. We are retired and living off both of our savings, but most of it is his. I don’t know if I can live with the money I have saved. He also threatened to take more of my money by suing me. I’m stuck. I love him, but I can’t go on like this. Please, help. – INSANE IN NEW ENGLAND
FAVORITE AUDIO: Your wife may not be gay, but if your perception is correct, she is definitely bisexual. However, you have more problems than him having sex outside of your marriage. Equally troubling are his threats to help you save and the fact that when you ask him something, you don’t get a straight answer.
You may love your wife, but I don’t see how you can stay married and happy under these circumstances. You should think that you are at risk of getting an STD. You may need to talk to a lawyer about this.
One more thing: You said you’re afraid you won’t be able to survive financially if you leave him. Because you both invested in the condo, wouldn’t you be entitled to a share of the proceeds from its sale? Think about how you were able to survive before you met him, and think about whether you can live that way again.
Dear ABBY: I am in love with a married woman. I loved him many years ago. Before he got married, he knew that I loved him, but he lied to me and led me on. Despite knowing how I feel about him, he got married, leaving me devastated. Now, many years later, I am still sad and tormented by “what if?” I know I can’t get away from him, and it seems like things will never change. So what should I do? – DISPOSED OF IN ARIZONA
BELOVED LEAVE: When I was younger, I had a crush on Steve Reeves and Robert Redford (not at the same time, though). Unfortunately, they were both taken – not me. If you want to spend the rest of your life committing adultery behind the woman who lied to you, led you to marry someone else, that is your right. If, however, you would like to get over your chronic emotional pain, you will ask your doctor or insurance company for the name of a licensed psychiatrist. YOU CAN GO, but it will take a concerted effort.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
