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Our children are growing up in a world where everything is seen, shared, praised and criticized. Image is everything. When I was young, I never thought of a world where life is shown like it is today. There used to be silence when you were growing up, there was space to talk with a few close friends.
That way of life is over.
Raising children today often feels like an impossible task. They grow up in a world where their every move, choice, or mistake can make them social media fodder. Many of the mothers I talk to feel a heavy responsibility to help their children develop an identity that can support the attacks.
And as a parent, that responsibility can feel overwhelming.
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Matt and I have been married for 25 years. We’ve faced our share of scrutiny and public opinion throughout his career in professional baseball. We grew up together, were grounded in our faith, and learned to navigate the often violent world of sports commentary.
But now, our two oldest boys, Jackson and Ethan, are on those same fields, playing on those same fields. They have the eyes of fans, and what feels like the world, to them all the time.
When they have a bad day, it seems like everyone has an opinion about their worth. Scrutiny comes with a place, as my boys are professional players. But as mothers, we are not called to make their lives easier; we are called to prepare them for difficult times.
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Consider the example of Mary as a mother. Talk about raising a child who was going to be publicly watched, misunderstood and criticized. From the beginning, his story did not fit well with people’s expectations. And as Jesus grew older, the tension grew. People asked him. I don’t understand him well. Finally, they rejected Him.
Mary could not protect Jesus from public criticism. He could not control how people reacted to Him. He could not stop the difficult parts of His story. And Mary had a front seat to it all. But he remained focused. He remained there. He was happy. He trusted in God for a boy who became a man before his eyes. And that sounds familiar.
Because we don’t raise strong, focused children by removing stress. We raise them by helping them learn to stand in it.
And perhaps, in an omniscient world, the most powerful thing we can do as parents is this: Create a home where our children know they are seen for who they are—not how they act. A place where they don’t have to find love. Where they can bring both their victories and their struggles. Where they know that if there is a sound of the world, they still have a strong place.
Using scripture, Mary’s life and my own experience, I would like to offer a few specific principles to help mothers raise strong, loyal children in today’s world.
Lead with grace, even when you need to correct your children
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In Genesis, Adam and Eve were afraid. They are shy. And they know that they will face the consequences of their sin. But God does not start by driving them away. He meets them in the field and, to their shame, speaks to them lovingly.
One way we have modeled this in our home is by eliminating timeouts. We would not expect our children to understand God’s patient love for them if we imitate them by sending them to the corner when they are disobedient or disobedient. We lead with kindness, even if corrections are needed – maybe even more if corrections are needed.
The freedom to forgive is one of the most important things we get as children of God. We cannot share it with our children until we understand God’s grace, forgiveness, and mercy as a daily reality for us and allow them to shape our lives. I didn’t always get it right, of course. But it was not necessary. I was able to ask God for forgiveness. I was also able to talk to my children about forgiveness and modeling.
Perfection has never been a requirement in our home, and I would encourage you not to make it yours. You must show your children that they will not always be right and that they can and should ask for forgiveness. Lead them where you want them to go.
Use your home and your life to train your children, and trust the Lord to handle the rest
Consider Proverbs 21:31: “The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord.”
Preparing a war horse is a long process built on the hard, targeted, consistent training required to get the animal ready for battle. Parenting is different in many ways, of course, but it requires the same kind of purpose. It happens quietly, at home, at normal times.
Every mother I meet feels a deep responsibility to raise her children to live firmly in their identity as children of God. It is easy to focus on that responsibility and ignore the second part of this verse. We fix the horse, and release the result. We do the work, and we deliver the results.
That is a lesson we must learn and pass on to our children. They are called to show up, to work hard, to prepare, and to see that the true victory belongs to the Lord. Train your children.
But don’t coach them thinking that you will decide their lives, or protect them from hardship.
Show them goodness – in others, in faith, in themselves
I wanted my children to see good things and see great men. We wanted them among people who showed them how to lead, be a friend, and work hard. So they went with us and spent time with respectable, God-fearing men who trained and played with their father. We encouraged them to follow the example of athletes like Adam Wainwright, Jaime Garcia, and others connected to Sports Spectrum who have navigated this profession with faith and integrity, demonstrating how to live their faith in the public arena – while building relationships with men of faith who understand the high pressure environment they are in.
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As mothers, we have the right to show our children where to look and how to see. Always shout beauty. Make sure your children are around people who live a good life. Show what others are doing well. After all, more is caught than taught. When they see greatness, they will want to imitate it.
However, no matter what advice you get, nothing can change the fact that being a mother is hard. The emotional burden for many women during Mother’s Day is often even more difficult.
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But we as mothers have the opportunity to leave a powerful legacy. That starts in our hearts and in our homes and in the invisible grace that comes from God through us to the people we love.
So let God work through you. Let God make His hands and feet for you. Let God bring peace, security and strength to your children, whoever they are, in your life.
