Dear ABBY: The ex-boyfriend, “Ray,” is an alcoholic. He has been to rehab twice, but it didn’t help. He will not stop. He keeps saying we will fix it.
I don’t understand why Ray can’t get it in his head that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I gave him two chances. No one else wants to help him, including his family.
Ray is in control. He still touches me and tells me what to do, just like when we were together. I don’t need that kind of person in my life. I hope and pray that God will send me the right person one day. Any advice you can give? – CONTINUATION IN ALABAMA
LIKES TO NOTE: Block Ray’s number, and don’t respond to any more messages from him. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. The next time Ray contacts you (hopefully drunk), tell him there’s nothing to fix. You don’t want anymore anywhere contact him, and if his stalking doesn’t stop, report him to the authorities and get a restraining order. (Then, if necessary, do it.)
Dear ABBY: My sister “Fiora” lives with her daughter and family a few states away from me and her other siblings. He insists that we plan a party for his 80th birthday. Fiora wants it to be a destination party at an expensive resort that is nowhere near where any of us live.
None of us are rich, but some of us have been good money managers and are comfortable in retirement. On the other hand, Fiora has spent all the last money and has health problems, so she has to stay with her daughter. We told him that if he wants this extravagant event, he should talk to his children, not us. Does this make no sense to us or to him? – THEY MEET IN MISSOURI
BELOVED LET’S MEET: Etiquette rules aside, Sister Fiora shouldn’t want her siblings to pay for a birthday party she can’t afford. Tell him (as someone else) that you’d be happy to split the bill for a modest celebration or send him a check. The choice is his, and the value is something all children can decide on. Her older children may also want to join.
Dear ABBY: Has anyone ever asked women when they found out that men are using Viagra or other such drugs how they feel about planning or organizing what is called “making love”? I feel that it would make it just plain old sex rather than an emotional, romantic act. For me, it would be better not to have sex at all than to plan it. And, how satisfying is it really for women? – PHYLLIS ENDIANA
Dear PHYLLIS: As I’m sure you know, there’s more to making love than popping a pill. Action and its desire should be complementary rather than reactive. Making love with someone you care about and are attracted to can be satisfying, but I think the answer to your question depends on which partner you ask.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
