Dear HARRIETTE: How long have you been in a relationship but it seems unhealthy?
I have been with my boyfriend for nine years. At first it was good, although he was always flustered. Now his feelings are what drives the relationship.
I don’t know how he will react when I see him. He can be kind one minute and hostile the next. I think you might have some kind of attitude.
I have suggested that she go to a doctor to talk about medications that help people with depression or other mood disorders. He refuses.
I don’t have the strength to live the rest of my life with this man if his problems will remain unresolved.
We are not married, but we are in a committed relationship. Am I wrong for wanting to leave if he won’t even try to get help for himself?
— I’m alone
LOVE ALONE: I wholeheartedly believe that therapy can save relationships and contribute greatly to their success. If your partner isn’t willing to get help when it’s obvious they have some issues, that’s a red flag.
If you believe that his neglect is beyond your control, give him an ultimatum: He must get help, or he will leave. Then act on it.
I know a couple who broke up because the other partner had an addiction problem. This separation made him take the situation seriously. He got help, they got back together now they are married.
Dear HARRIETTE: I have a friend who posted online recently that he no longer felt that life was worth living. I called and looked at him quickly.
He didn’t talk about what was happening directly, but he sounded depressed and depressed. I asked to visit him or take him out somewhere. So far, he has not agreed.
I’m not sure what to do. I keep calling him, but I would hate for him to kill himself or hurt himself and I didn’t make a big effort to save him. What can I do to help my friend?
— An unhappy friend
DEAR UNHAPPY FRIEND: It’s scary how many people are in a fragile state of mind these days. The good news is that, like your friend, more people are talking about it than in the past.
The prevailing wisdom is that if your friend has told you, he should trust you – at least enough to listen. Do everything you can to be present and willing to hear him.
Learn what’s going on with him without judging. Don’t minimize his pain or fear. Accept whatever he tells you. Show empathy. Let her know you’re sorry you’re going through this. Keep in touch with him as much as you can so he knows he is not alone. Encourage him to seek help from a therapist to talk about his problems. He can do this in person or remotely.
If, at any time, you believe he is in immediate danger of harming himself or herself or others, try to get him to call the Suicidality Helpline, 988. For more suggestions, visit healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-help-a-suicidal-friend.
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers free, round-the-clock support, information and resources. Call or text 988, or see the 988lifeline.org website, where the chat is available.
Harriette Cole is the founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people reach and make their dreams work. You can send questions to toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
