What we get wrong about dating, according to Kinsey scientist

In 2026, it’s hard to fall out of love with tech, given the proliferation dating apps and now AI. But the evolutionist doesn’t think that the way relationships are formed has changed.

“I think that this technology is becoming more and more popular and more widespread and more advanced, but it is still not in the place where it spends four million years of evolution in terms of our desire to build strong bonds,” said Dr. Justin Garcia, executive director of the Kinsey Institute, in an interview with Mashable.

Garcia is the author of a recently released book A Close Animalall about the science of sex and love. He sat down with Mashable to discuss AI, dating apps, and Gen Z dating — just in time for Valentine’s Day.

AI relationships as ‘training wheels’

Singles use AI in different ways so far. Some use it to optimize their photos and bios, while others skip human interactions altogether and start with AI. In a study last year, AI startup Joi found that eight out of 10 Gen Zers “marry” the AI.

Garcia sees AI as somewhat useful if you think of it as “training wheels” — if you’re looking for a little advice or if you want to build confidence and practice.

“The training wheels are the best thing, you take them off at some point,” he said.

There are aspects of the relationship that have not been replicated in discussing the LLM (as of this publication, anyway – who knows what improvements can be made). One thing Garcia identified was the mutual nature of the relationship. “One thing we want in a relationship is that ‘I want to do good things for you. I want you to do good things for me,'” she said.

The psychology of couple relationships involves the dyadic process of whether you grow together and make each other’s lives better. For example, waking up early in the morning when you don’t even want to make breakfast for yourself and your partner.

The three elements of a relationship are I, you, and us, Garcia explained. “I’m not sure yet that the people interacting with these AIs think there is a ‘we.’

The AI ​​relationship seems to be very effective. “If I have a relationship with an AI, yes, it will tell me every day that I’m smart and beautiful… there’s something good about that,” he said, “but do I think I’m doing it its a better life?” Part of a happy and fulfilling relationship is making your partner’s life better.

Extras and minutes of dating apps

Garcia has worked with Match as a scientific advisor since 2010, but he’s not afraid to criticize apps.

“The challenge with operating systems is that they are divorced from the way we have loved each other for millions of years,” he said. When we meet a potential partner, we want to hear their voice, see their body language, smell them, hear them, know their social network — you can’t get that from an app (OK, maybe their voice if you use Hinge’s voice note feature).

That’s not to say apps haven’t been a boon to different groups of people, such as those with neurodivergent or anachronisms who are looking for something special, whether it’s a particular religion or witchcraft. You can find someone with an app. “That’s pretty amazing to me, that we have that ability,” he said.

But its advantages do not eliminate the disadvantages of dating apps, such as distraction, attention, and optimization. Ghosting and bad user behavior are other issues.

Again Dating app fatigue it does not exist in a vacuum. People have done that report burnout in other aspects of life, not just dating, and Garcia sees that as somewhat adapting to our current political, financial, and environmental conditions.

But despite these challenges, dating has always been a competition, Garcia says, and it wasn’t fun 100 or 200 years ago. So the real question for dating apps is, how do we best use them?

“We can think about being more intentional. We can think about filling out our profiles, we can think about engaging with the profile,” he said. And remember that dating is also a dyadic process, that is between two people, so choosing more targets does not exceed 1,000 people who swipe, it continues on second dates, although there are other options on your phone.

“Like AI, [apps are] tools we can use. If we allow them to run the show, we get ourselves into trouble,” said Garcia.

Gen Z planners need to stop preparing for themselves

There are other challenges that have nothing to do with dating apps, but it could be a technical fault. Recently published research from the Match Group and the Kinsey Institute suggests that young adults are looking for love, but believe they are not ready. Only 55 percent of 18-29 year olds feel ready to pursue a romantic relationship, while 80 percent believe they will find true love. (This is according to a survey of 2,500 US singers conducted by The Harris Poll between September and October 2025.)

“We’re seeing a generation of people who are very focused on making themselves real.”

“We’re seeing a generation of people who are very self-centered,” Garcia told Mashable, which is similar to the belief that you have to work on yourself before getting into a relationship.

“Do you think our ancestors ‘worked for themselves’?” he joked. We, adults especially, are fixated on the idea that we have to “work it out” for ourselves, and then show the day that it might be ready. And some self-improvement can happen on your own, but Garcia said, “self-improvement happens in a relationship.”

That relationship is a container for making mistakes and finding yourself with a reliable driver to pick you up and support you,” he said.

Young people can be very insistent that “I need to be perfect, and you need to be perfect, and we have to find what we want in the corner,” he said. “I don’t think it helps.”

Match Group’s Human Connections Lab researcher Amelia Miller believes technology plays a role in these feelings among young adults.

“Social media and AI partners are teaching Gen Z that the fragility of human relationships is something to be endured, not embraced, but that vulnerability and tension are essential ingredients for intimacy,” Miller said in a press release. “The self-realization that Gen Z wants to achieve alone is enabled by relationships with others.”

So maybe in 2026, we don’t need a lot of technology to develop ourselves; no need to upgrade at all. Maybe to find love, we need to be more human.