Dear ABBY: Yesterday, my wife and I went to the cemetery to lay flowers for her brother and father, who died many years ago. After we were done and headed out, I stopped for a few minutes to check out my first wife’s secret before heading back to the car. When he asked what I was doing, I told him I was making sure the plastic flowers were still there. My wife was surprised that I was still looking at her crypt because she had been gone for over 16 years.
I married my second and current wife 15 years ago. It was a wonderful marriage – until now. He said his feelings were hurt that I was still exploring the crypt. He asked me how often I did it, and I told him twice a year. He is now upset with me. Did I make a mistake in respecting me? My parents’ notebooks are nearby, and I check theirs as well. – YOU STILL CARE IN THE WEST
BELOVED STILL CARE: Your wife is having a baby, I hope you will point that out to her. As he would have wished, you came to him with history. (I’m assuming you were happily married before your first wife died.) Tell “Number Two” that prying into your dead wife’s secret isn’t a threat to her unless she chooses to be, and that Dear Abby suggests she beat it before it ruins a good thing.
Dear ABBY: Ever since I was a little boy, silk fabric has always made me feel “safe.” I remember wearing tights in the bathroom in front of the mirror or under my pajamas. In all the years, if there is no one after work, I continued, but not near my wife, children or now grandchildren. I don’t know why I enjoy them now in 50 years. Is this OK, or is there something wrong with me? One can missing from my six-pack? – BUILT LIKE SILK IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SMOOTH: I don’t think anything is missing from your six-pack or anywhere else. Men are known to wear silk tights because they help keep them warm in the cold. They are also known to do it because it feels good next to their skin.
I wanted to say why you felt it was necessary to traffic your wife all these years, because there is nothing shameful about it. (Perhaps if you talk to him, he will tell you that he has not been cheated on but he has never talked about it because he does not seem eager to talk.)
Dear ABBY: My wife threatens to divorce me every time I drink alcohol. The context doesn’t matter. Should I divorce him or try to find another solution? – DISTRIBUTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SCARING: The first thing you need to do is understand why your wife feels as strongly as she does about your drinking. Do you have a family history where alcohol plays a role? Does your personality change when you drink in public? How much do you drink every day? Are other relationships affected by your drinking? Once you have the answer to these questions, you can decide which is more important to you – drinking or marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
