My husband was recently diagnosed with AIDS after having an affair – should I stay or go?
Dear ABBY: My husband and I (both men) have been together for 28 years. The last few years have been less than romantic, but we remain close and in love (or so I thought).
A few days ago, she called me from work (I’m retired) crying so loudly that I couldn’t understand her. I rushed to his office, he told me that he just found out from his doctor that he has AIDS. He then admitted that he had an affair with a contractor where he worked. He said that it happened years ago when we were facing a crisis, he swore and asserted that he was the only one who went astray.
I am waiting for the results of my HIV test, sad and crushed. What now? I am very wounded; I don’t know whether to stay or go. – PICKED UP IN FLORIDA
BELOVED PEOPLE: Your first order of business should be to make sure you and your husband get the best medical advice and treatment possible. A diagnosis of HIV does not mean that the disease will progress to full-blown AIDS because with the advancement of medicine, it can be controlled. Whether you should stay with your husband or leave is a question that should be presented until you are not too traumatized and think logically.
Dear ABBY: My two children are planning weddings two months apart next year. I am originally from the Netherlands, where my whole family still lives. Both of my children want to invite these relatives (which is great), except for my parents who are 86 and 87 and can only enter one wedding. For my sisters, nieces, it is very expensive for me to come to both. They don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I don’t know how to advise them on which wedding to go to.
My son said that he will help them financially if they need it to come to both of them, but even so, I know that it will not be possible for my parents to come to both of them. Any advice? – THE CHALLENGE IN IDAHO
FAVORITE CHALLENGE: I have one suggestion: GO BACK! It should not be your responsibility to plan who will attend which wedding. Invitations should be sent to everyone. After that, I’m sure discussions will follow. If financial help is needed, your son provides it.
If your parents’ level of disability prevents them from attending both ceremonies, the decision of where to attend should be theirs. Although they may not be able to attend both in person, these days many weddings are broadcast live, and photos and videos can be shared on social media.
TO MY ASIAN READERS CELEBRATING THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Lunar New Year begins today. This is the Year of the Horse. According to Asian culture, people born in the year of the horse are strong, charming and loving. They thrive in busy settings and are often seen as natural leaders and motivators. A healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to you all. Tally! – LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
