Dear ABBY: I have a baby in five months. My doctor recommends that anyone visiting a baby in the first trimester be up to date on vaccines (Tdap, flu, COVID and RSV, if 60-plus). We decided to follow our doctor’s recommendations.
Some members of my family are against getting these vaccines and want us to consider other options, like testing and wearing a mask, which are less safe. Also, it can be difficult with young children to do so — my niece is 3. Abby, we vaccinated our younger children (3 and 5) when our niece was born, as part of what my sister requested.
I’m currently stressed because of this situation and I don’t want to talk about it with my family, and I’m even angry because of it. In the past, I have set boundaries with my family, and most of them were not understood or well received. Can you give me some guidance? – EXPECTED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR EXPECT: I’m happy to try. When your baby arrives, the responsibility for his well-being will rest heavily on you, mom. Follow your doctor’s advice to protect your baby. If family members do not want to respect your wishes and do the right thing to avoid putting your child at risk (as you are doing for them), be aware that you cannot change their minds, and keep your distance in the first three months.
Dear ABBY: For about five years, my oldest daughter was a victim of domestic violence. My husband and I have done everything to support his freedom and new path. However, during his trip, he said that I abused him as a child. I can’t remember an action I took that would be considered abusive, neither could my husband or his siblings.
I find it hard to correct his memory of events where he didn’t realize that his last relationship was abusive. However, I recommend individual and group therapy. However, I did not admit that there was abuse because it did not happen. We all feel that he is taking out his anger and resentment from this latest relationship on me because I was honest from the beginning that I saw the red flags. We had honest discussions about the offender before we broke up. But he keeps defending her and accusing me of causing him pain and suffering.
Please tell me what you suggest I do to resolve this situation, as it is destroying our family. – CONFUSED IN DELAWARE
DEAR DUMBFOUNDWE: Your daughter seems to be a troubled person. I’m glad you suggested treatment. The type I would recommend would be the family therapy, where all members have the opportunity to express their “truths”. If someone in an abusive relationship tries to shift the blame of their abuser onto someone else, they may be avoiding the truth. A licensed psychologist can help get your daughter back on track.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
