I’ve been married for 50 years — and my husband has never apologized for his affair
Dear ABBY: I have been married for 50 years and recently remembered that my husband cheated on me with several different women. He admitted that they were having an affair but he swears that he only saw her twice and they only slept once. He says that I am thinking about the other two. He didn’t apologize for the one he admitted to and he won’t talk about it or the other two, even though I can imagine and feel it in my gut.
At this point, I’m more angry about his lying than I am about something that happened decades ago. Am I wrong to seek the truth so I can be angry, face it and forgive him? I also want a heartfelt apology. – HEART IN TEXAS
DEAR HEARTSICK: You don’t need “the truth” to be angry. He is already you’re crazy like heck. What you want is an apology from your cheating husband, and you won’t get it. Discussing this with a licensed marriage and family counselor may help you get over your anger and move on.
Dear ABBY: Two of my mother’s best friends ended their friendship with her after almost 50 years due to political differences. I grew up spending every vacation with these ladies and their families, in addition to summer lake vacations and winter ski vacations and everything in between.
One of them is my god, and both of them were like second mothers to me. Would it be that easy to pretend they were never friends in the first place? Should the mother accept this change, or try to repair the friendship? – SAD BOY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SON: When political differences become so deep that close friendships are destroyed, I am sorry to say that they are often irreparable. I’m not sure that time can end the rift when someone is so focused on their political beliefs that they can end a 50 year friendship. Suggest to your mother that instead of looking back, she might try to cultivate less confrontational friends.
Dear ABBY: I am a 75 year old therapist and almost a single parent. I still struggle with the guilt that I didn’t do a good enough job with my three grown children, despite my best efforts and the resources I continue to have. Their father has been absent since we divorced 35 years ago.
How can I get rid of the feeling that my ungrateful grown children don’t respect me, and how do I stop trying to make up for their lost parent? It is unlikely that they will change their attitude or beliefs during this time. – STRUGGLING IN THE NEW JERSEY
BELOVED STRUGGLE: Thanks for asking. Now you must have realized that you can’t buy love. As a psychologist, you certainly know that therapists have their therapists (and many need this support). Because you are in pain because of something that you cannot change on your own, realize that it is time to take responsibility and consult with him.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
