Dear ABBY: I have been married for 44 years and I always sleep in the same bed with my wife. Last week, I got a virus, and we decided that I would sleep in the spare room until it went away. Now I find that I sleep better alone, and I enjoy the freedom of the bed. How can I tell my wife that I would like to sleep alone? I love her to death, but I love my freedom in bed more. – SLEEPING ONE IN WISCONSIN
FAVORITE SLEEP: Couples sleep apart for many reasons – and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the marriage. Tell your wife how well you slept and bring her back to your sleep in the spare room (“the best you’ve had in years”). A good night’s sleep is essential for good health. Then explain that it’s nothing personal, but you’d like to continue sleeping alone.
Don’t be surprised if he tells you that he, too, sleeps better without sharing a bed. However, if he doesn’t listen, maybe two beds in your master bedroom would work for both of you.
Dear ABBY: My 71-year-old husband tells stories about himself to everyone — family, friends and strangers. I’m bored to tears hearing the same stories over and over again, and seeing others’ eyes glaze over. I have asked him to tell stories only under 10 years, but that did not stop him. What else can I do? This has gotten so bad that I find myself avoiding social situations with him. – DIG IN CALIFORNIA
LOVE STOP IT: Has your husband always been like this, or could his repetition be a sign of mental breakdown? When people bring up old stories, it can mean that their short-term memory is deteriorating. Is it a problem that your husband had a great job years ago but has nothing to talk about recently? If his problem is that he is a broken heart, consider having fun without him more often. Your friends and family will appreciate it.
Dear ABBY: I live in a private retirement home. There is a lady sitting at our table during lunch. When someone asks a question, before the person being talked to can answer, he goes in and answers. When someone says something, you try to lift them up. We tried to scold him, but he would cry for a few minutes and then come back. When we moved to another table, he moved too. Any suggestions? – SPOILED LUNCH IN ALABAMA
DEAR SPOILED: Yes, rather than avoiding an ignorant woman, one of you should have a private conversation with her. (Does he have control over all of his abilities?) Explain that his personality is “too strong and powerful” to all of you, which has made you uncomfortable, and that’s why he has to sit somewhere else during lunch. If he refuses, give him examples. Don’t expect him to like you, but if you talk, you might be able to enjoy your lunch in peace afterwards. If not, talk to the retirement home manager about reassignment.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
