Dear ABBY: My husband is 76 years old but doesn’t look a day over 60. He has a full head of slightly gray hair, no wrinkles on his face, and he is fit.
I am 71 years old and every day I look my age, maybe older. I have gray hair – lots of it – but I love the color and will never dye it. I am fit, but the deep wrinkles on my face and turkey neck emphasize my age.
I am “thankful” to my husband, the man I have been with for 40 years, for this. You gave me years of depression and disappointment.
My issue: When we’re out together, strangers tell her frankly how shocked or surprised they are that “she doesn’t look her age.” I was left sitting there feeling like they thought I was his mother.
Every time this happens, for days and sometimes weeks, she will spend time looking in the mirror and reminding me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband. He has always had a problem with self-esteem, but it is getting worse.
Is there an answer for him to get over himself?
– MR. HANDSOME’S WIFE
DEAR WOMAN: I see that people who are forced to stare in the mirror do not do it because of self-esteem but because of lack of self-confidence. If your husband does this, is he really doing it? tell How lucky are you to have such a wonderful husband, or is that what you think you think?
You are the way your genes made you, and so are you.
If you feel bad about yourself because you think people are making negative comparisons between the two of you, consider talking it over with your dermatologist to see if there are simple procedures that can make you feel better about yourself.
Dear ABBY: My husband is 60 years old. His brother, “Al,” (two years younger) had lived in their mother’s house for the past 35 years.
Before she died seven years ago, she put her house in my husband’s name. Throughout those seven years, Al has been lying to her, promising to get out “any day now.”
When I try to tell my husband that Al may have squatter’s rights and will never move again, my husband insults and threatens me.
Now that my husband is starting to face the fact that his brother will never move, he is abusing me a lot and wants to kick me out of my house. He says he wants a divorce but can’t afford it. You know I will get half of everything in the divorce because we have been married for 31 years.
When I suggested mediation, he kicked our dog. We also loaded weapons in the house.
– NOT SITTING IN THE EAST
PLEASE DO NOT EDIT: You need more help than anyone can give you with a book. Because your husband’s behavior is increasing, you need to get out of there. The next time he gets aggressive, instead of kicking the dog, he might hurt it.
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and speak with an attorney who can help you escape safely.
You should also consult an attorney about how to protect yourself and file a police report about your husband’s threatening behavior. He may not be able to afford the divorce, but you won’t be able to.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
