Dear HARRIETTE: I met this lovely boy … or so I thought.
We met at a gathering with both of our friends, and as the sun was setting, we were both locked in our corner. That same night, he texted me and asked if he could see me again at the end of the week. He sent the restaurant and time and asked if that was okay with my preference and schedule. I agreed.
Over the next few days, he texted and called me, and we had some great conversations. Everything felt purposeful.
The night of our plans, I texted him that I was on my way – no response. When I arrived, I asked for a reservation in his name or mine – there was none. I called him again but he didn’t answer. Since I was out and dressed, I decided to eat alone and give him the benefit of the doubt.
The next day, he continued to write in the usual way on social media and has not even apologized.
What is the meaning of this? What would make someone show deep interest just to stand me up?
— One Table
FAVORITE TABLE OF ONE: You sound like a stalker or at least a manipulator. Maybe it’s best that it ends before it starts. Some behavior doesn’t make sense.
Even though it was confusing and hurtful, don’t give up at this point. It’s good for you that you went out and ate well. You were wise not to let him lead you astray.
At the same time, it can make it difficult to trust someone on a basic level if you have been possessed by spirits for no good reason.
Sounds like you did all the right things. Maybe in the future if someone doesn’t confirm the plans, don’t go.
Dear HARRIETTE: Mom is flexible, and when she is in a bad place, it affects the whole family.
This week, in particular, he has been absent, not talking or speaking sharply to me without a clear reason.
The most difficult thing is that when the father comes home from work, his attitude suddenly changes. She is warm and trusting, which makes it seem like I am being difficult or withdrawn. I feel stuck carrying the emotional weight of his bad days, and it’s starting to eat away at me.
I’ve thought about telling my dad what was going on, but I worry that it will cause a rift or seem like I’m betraying him. At the same time, I don’t think it’s right to quietly absorb this behavior and let it affect my happiness.
How do I protect my emotional well-being at home when mood swings? Is telling my dad the right thing to do or will it make things worse?
– Moody’s mother
DEAR MOODY MAMA: You should talk to your father about your mother’s behavior. You don’t have to bear the burden of this alone.
Explain what was going on, and ask for help. Tell her how hard it is for you to deal with her bad days – especially in contrast to how happy she is at the end of the day.
Your mother may need medical attention. Maybe your father can persuade him to go to the doctor.
Harriette Cole is the founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people reach and make their dreams work. You can send questions to toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
