A disabled friend of mine is on the brink of homelessness while dealing with an alcoholic sister
Dear ABBY: My best friend, “Louis,” has serious problems. She is in her 60s, and although she is 50% disabled, she is still able to perform childcare duties. Her sister, “Gayle,” who lives 500 kilometers away, asked her to move in with her husband, saying they would help take care of her.
Louis moved, not realizing that his sister was a bad drunk. She would come home from work, have six or eight drinks and have a real argument with her husband and Louis. He even gave Louis 30 days to leave his house. He has nowhere to go because he cut ties with everyone in his area.
I loaned Louis enough money to keep him from starving as he tried to find a way to support himself. She has applied for many childcare jobs. His brother-in-law is a great man but he has no power to do anything. Gayle has beaten her husband many times. They are at their wits end and need advice. Gayle refuses to seek any kind of help. – THERE IS MY FRIEND IN FLORIDA
‘WHERE’: Louis and his brother-in-law may find support if they start attending Al-Anon or Smart Recovery meetings. Because they are dealing with an angry alcoholic, it can make them feel isolated.
About what you should advise Louis about his life situation: Since he’s burning his bridges in the city he’s from and doesn’t have money to move out of his sister’s house, what you can do is continue to listen and support him as much as you can until he finds a job. Because Louis is mildly disabled, he may qualify for some services and assistance in his new community. Encourage him to look again at these possible options.
Dear ABBY: My sister and mother-in-law are going to sue each other in court. My mother-in-law admits that she was not a good mother when her children were young. My sister-in-law says her mother abused her by dropping gifts, notes and money on her birthdays.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I were dragged into the situation because we were talking to both of them before the trial. Now, they both cut us off! I’m sure it was because we couldn’t choose a side, but why should we? We love them both.
My boyfriend had a close relationship with his sister and mother. I know this hurts him. How can I help bring their relationship back together? My sister has blocked me from all her accounts, and if I send a letter, I’m afraid she’ll accuse me of harassing her, too. – CONFIRMED STATUS IN PENNSYLVANIA
PREFERRED POSITION: There is no way you can force reconciliation between two sides that don’t want to mend fences. You don’t know if your mother-in-law’s intention in throwing away unwanted gifts was to torture her daughter. (It probably was.) My advice is to avoid getting serious until that court case is settled.
DEAR READERS: On this day to celebrate love, I want you to know how much I cherish my long relationship with all of you. Happy Valentine’s Day. — WITH LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
