HOW TO DO IT: I work at a fast food restaurant, where we only go by our names.
Usually, when customers decide that I am the cause of anything that is not going their way, they ask me my name. My first name is clearly written on my name tag, but I always tell them anyway, since it’s hard to pronounce. It’s a rare name, and no one else in the store has it.
However, they often ask me my last name, which I refuse to give them. I don’t think it’s their business. I just politely tell them that I don’t say my last name.
Generally, they consider this to be disrespectful to me.
Am I wrong?
GOOD READER: The reason stores use first names – or first names and last initials – on name tags is to balance two reasonable, but competing, requirements.
The customer has the right to file a formal complaint through the usual channels regarding the seller’s inadequate performance. The marker must therefore provide sufficient information to uniquely identify the accused criminal.
But the seller must also be protected from illegal complaints or unauthorized methods outside normal channels. This is why name tags do not include the full name, which can be used to target and harass the seller away from the store.
From the gentle tone of your letter, Miss Manners likes to think you are a frivolous complainer. But he still suggests giving this answer: “I’m sorry you’re not satisfied, but you don’t need my last name to identify me to management. If you want to file a formal complaint against me, just give me my first name and the time I work. I guarantee they’ll know how to find me.”
This response pleases Miss Manners both for its modesty and because it calls out the client’s attempt at intimidation.
Dear MISS WAY: Although I have many friends, I enjoy going out and eating alone occasionally. When I ask for a single table, the response is usually, “Are you alone?” Or, “Are you waiting for someone?”
Then I am offered a seat at the bar, or a table near the toilet or the kitchen door, which I refuse. Once you’re seated, it’s the same: “Is it just you?” Or, “Do you want to wait for someone before ordering?”
Is there any decent answer to this, other than, “I’m alone; isn’t that sad and sad?”
GOOD READER: As a recipient of the Gentle Readers email, Miss Manners is well aware of the deluge of rudeness in the modern world. But the mistakes of the waiststaff – who live on the hope of good tips – usually take the form of ill-judged jokes, not deliberate put-downs.
The subtext you mention is probably not meant to suggest you are not liked, but only to know the size of your party. This means nothing unless you select a table elsewhere, and note when you are ready to place your order.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
