Dear ABBY: Recently, our best friends of 35 years announced their daughter’s upcoming wedding. Our children grew up together.
Invitations haven’t been sent out yet, but let us know the date and location of your destination wedding. My husband and I will go, but my children will not be able to make it because of their jobs, children, etc.
The bride’s mother called me today upset, telling me how hurt she was. Abby, our children moved apart 20 years ago. They have never seen each other!
My son had planned a wedding to attend five years ago (which didn’t happen due to COVID), and all of our friends’ families refused, which I totally understood.
I am confused as to why his reaction was so strong. I don’t tell my children about this because they will feel bad. Should I stop this?
– Thrown in Oregon
FAVORITE THROWS: Yes, stop it. Your children are adults and have their own priorities. You can’t control them, and you shouldn’t try.
I’m sorry your friend was hurt, but your children are innocent. The “kids” are not as close as he thought, and he will have to learn to accept that.
Dear ABBY: I am 30 years married and happy. Unfortunately, my wife’s family rejected not only me, but now my wife.
Although we have a good relationship with my 97-year-old mother-in-law, our relationship with my wife’s two older sisters is good.
Recently, her sisters put their mother in a nursing home without telling us, let alone inviting us to visit the facility. By the time we found out, the papers had already been signed.
The center is two hours away from where she’s been living (next to older sister), which means my MIL will be forced to give up her social life and her 30+ years of doctors. (He lived in a big city, so finding a place near his house would be easy.)
Starting over is hard at any age. My mother-in-law says that this worries her. It is not clear whether he was able to make this decision, but litigation seems futile and out of our budget.
Screaming at my wife’s sisters would be a waste of time, but sitting here silently and angry is not acceptable either.
I think we want to be reassured that it’s reasonable to be angry, even if we don’t act on that anger, unless you have better advice for the situation.
– Upset in PENNSYLVANIA
BELOVED YOU ARE BORED: I will assume that the older sister has power of attorney for your mother-in-law, who has reached the point where she needs increased care.
At 97 years old, it makes sense that most of his friends have passed away. It makes sense that he would be motivated to help by living so close that your sisters can see him often.
Although it would be good if your wife was kept in the know about the move, her relationship with her sister is not good. You are both entitled to your feelings about what happened, but please don’t let them rule your lives.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
