Dear ABBY: I have a relationship with this boy, I have known him for five years. We dated in the summer of sixth grade, but it wasn’t bad, we broke up after a month. But we were always in touch and had secret feelings for each other.
We haven’t done anything but talk and haven’t been in love since then. We both get mad or sad when the other gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, but when it’s over, we get back together (as friends). After my last relationship with another guy, I’m really scared to do this again. I told him that, but he keeps asking to take them out. At one point I said yes, we just held hands and hugged each other, nothing happened.
I have also told him that I don’t want to get into a relationship. What I want is for us to mature and wait until college, but you can still date other people. I talked to my mother about it and I realized that if she fell in love with someone else, I would be upset. I don’t know why I can’t make up my mind about a stupid boy. Can you help? – YOUNG LOVELORN IN NEBRASKA
Dear YOUTH: You tell me that you don’t want to get into a relationship, but it seems to me that you already are be long relationship with this guy. Some of the relationships you two have are not as strong as the friendships you keep coming back to. I agree that you should wait until you both are older to have a formal relationship.
When you (both of you, maybe) get to college, you’ll meet new people and build new relationships, and your worldview will expand. I don’t know what the future will bring to your relationship, but I am sure from what you wrote that the friendship will last forever.
Dear ABBY: I am a woman over 60, married and have two small grown children. Like many young people today, they struggle to find their way and are emotionally burdened. More than once, they have blamed me and their father for their grief. It seems they don’t know how to build their lives or want any advice from us. It breaks my heart.
I don’t know how to help them, and I don’t know how to get over the feeling that somewhere along the way I’ve let them down and failed as a mother to help them find their way. What did I do? – MOTHER DOUBTFULLY IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOTHER: As you said, “Like many young people today, they are struggling to find their way.” The world has changed a lot since you were a baby. The expectations you were raised with are not the reality they face in today’s social and economic environment. Listen when they need to talk and let them out. But remember, none of this is your fault. You did not disappoint them. Each generation must find its own way.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
