I want to move across the country to be with my boyfriend—but I’m afraid to leave my sick family.

Dear ABBY: I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for almost six years, we’ve been engaged for two, and I love my fiancé. But the thought of moving west after spending so much time on the East Coast is really scary. It means leaving my parents behind, especially since my father has been in the hospital for almost a year and a half, and my mother is suffering from health problems and obesity. My brother has alcohol problems and a history of seizures, and I worry about him too.

At the same time, I feel the happiest when I’m with my partner, and the thought of being separated from him can be debilitating. I am almost 40 years old, and the weight of this decision is so great. Anxiety has torn me apart between pursuing my happiness with him and staying close to my family. Do you have any advice? – ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK

FAVORITE ‘ROADS’: I do have others. Around the age of 40, if you haven’t been able to convince your mother and brother to adopt healthy lifestyles, they are unlikely to change. Contact a licensed psychologist for help overcoming your anxiety (and maybe some guilt) by doing something that’s right for you you by joining your boyfriend in the west. Live your own life rather than indulge in the fruitless thought that these relatives will change theirs if you stay.

Dear ABBY: My husband slipped, fell and broke his hip. As I write this, she is having a complete hip replacement. Family and friends have asked to “come and live with me.” I was polite (when I really wanted to scream) and told them “No, thank you.” Then they do it again tell I am coming. When I say “No,” they forget that “No” is a complete sentence.

My husband has never been in a car accident. It is not life threatening. It is not a serious situation. He just fell and broke his hip. These days, hip replacements are common procedures. I don’t need an escort to stay with me. I know everyone is different. I just wish people would ask me who I am wanted that they stay with me instead of TELLING ME that they will come.

I am a 62-year-old woman (who can be loud at times). Everyone deals with this in their own way. I am content to be alone with this. Please remind people that, even if they mean well, they should ASK if someone is looking for company, instead of TELLING them they do. I think expressing one’s feelings to another person is wrong. Do you agree? – LADY IN THE WAITING ROOM

DEAR WOMAN: Everyone is something different. Although you may think that replacing your husband’s hip is a minor procedure, some people worry that no surgery is without risk. People who volunteer to come and live with you may do so because they want to be with you if something goes wrong. While I agree that it is wrong to express one’s feelings to another person, please control your “sometimes explosive” temper and remember that there is a way to politely decline a well-intentioned offer.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.